Wake UP, Crackhead!

Whitney Houston said it best. This is whack.

:(

Social Crackhead

I just logged on to Facebook. It was all fucked up. I tried to figure it out but people were all "Wake up, crackhead! Google+ is where it's at!" I couldn't figure out that one either. So I just settled on Twitter for now.

Crackhead Support Line

I lost a bunch of digital photos. "That's okay," I thought, "I've backed them all up online. Oh wait, the photos aren't there either." So I called the backup service to find out why.

Tech support: What's the problem?

Me: My photos are gone from the online backup, too.

Tech support: Did you unplug the external drive?

Me: Well, yeah.

Tech support: Wake up, crackhead! This is a backup service, not an archiving service.

Wake up, Crackbread!

At an Indian restaurant, we ordered Naan. The order was taking an unusually long time, and soon the waiter asked us whether we wanted some bread while we waited. WAKE UP, CRACKHEAD! Naan IS bread!

Celebrity Crackhead: Sandra Bullock

Oh, snap. Sandra Bullock adopted a Haitian orphan. I'm totally jealous.

Wake up, crackhead! That orphan's from New Orleans. It's not the same.

Bonus:

That baby's all "Wake up, crackhead! Put me down or I'm going to spit up all over your $2,500 hair and makeup job!"

Crackhead Loser

She said, "OMG, I lost the emerald bracelet that he gave me when our daughter was born. When do you think should I tell him it's lost?"

Wake up, crackhead! Tell him in late Nev-tember.

Elitist Crackhead

He said, "Yes, I went to Harvard, but it's not like I watch Masterpiece Theater or anything."

Wake up, crackhead! Nobody watches Masterpiece Theater.